A few musings that I have written when I was feeling depressed. I tend to write rather than talk, because although I love talking, I have yet to find someone I truly can confine my life into.
*sigh*
Here goes nothing.
---
November 15th Thursday
Now days every time I check fb, I feel depressed. I don't know why. I just do. It's becoming something I avoid now. I just feel that pit at the bottom of my stomach OPENING wide and swallowing my happy feelings.
---
A Random Time at Night
When I get depressed I like my music world. This is one of those times. I wish I was just one of the crowd, determined to fit in. I told myself not to make music tonight, not to watch a podcast but I can't. I'm addicted to a world without sorrow, one that I can just lose myself in. Another Sleepless night. GREAT.
---
A Random Time in the Day After Training, Feeling Sad and Gloomy
Sometimes I'm ashamed to call myself a Christian. With all those people, like those priests who delve into sexual activities under the apparent influence of modern divining Or the apparent fact that you have to put everything aside for god. EVERYTHING. And that we are all gross compared to God. Hasn't God made us beautiful creatures? Sometimes I don't understand; if you are doing everything in Gods name; would you strive for world equality, fresh water for all, doing your best... Just don't get it.
Now onto why I feel depressed right now. I'm messed up. Totally screwed. So mentally deranged. I'll be fine. I don't understand; that if you strive to do things why can't you come to training on time????? Why don't you put in the effort? And sometimes I wonder what motivates you to carry one? The concept of success Is that all? And how can you smile when you know you've done something wrong? When you know you should have done it another way. And if you find someone gives up on you do you continue on? Striving for the better...I just feel a bit used. Just a little bit. But it doesn't matter. It never does. I'll be fine. I always am. God believes in me, so I shall as well.
That is all
ChampsElysée
P.S Oh and it sucks when your best friend's ex best friend seemingly becomes best friends again with your best friend, making you feel really sad and lonely.
*sigh*
Here goes nothing.
---
November 15th Thursday
Now days every time I check fb, I feel depressed. I don't know why. I just do. It's becoming something I avoid now. I just feel that pit at the bottom of my stomach OPENING wide and swallowing my happy feelings.
---
A Random Time at Night
When I get depressed I like my music world. This is one of those times. I wish I was just one of the crowd, determined to fit in. I told myself not to make music tonight, not to watch a podcast but I can't. I'm addicted to a world without sorrow, one that I can just lose myself in. Another Sleepless night. GREAT.
---
A Random Time in the Day After Training, Feeling Sad and Gloomy
Sometimes I'm ashamed to call myself a Christian. With all those people, like those priests who delve into sexual activities under the apparent influence of modern divining Or the apparent fact that you have to put everything aside for god. EVERYTHING. And that we are all gross compared to God. Hasn't God made us beautiful creatures? Sometimes I don't understand; if you are doing everything in Gods name; would you strive for world equality, fresh water for all, doing your best... Just don't get it.
Now onto why I feel depressed right now. I'm messed up. Totally screwed. So mentally deranged. I'll be fine. I don't understand; that if you strive to do things why can't you come to training on time????? Why don't you put in the effort? And sometimes I wonder what motivates you to carry one? The concept of success Is that all? And how can you smile when you know you've done something wrong? When you know you should have done it another way. And if you find someone gives up on you do you continue on? Striving for the better...I just feel a bit used. Just a little bit. But it doesn't matter. It never does. I'll be fine. I always am. God believes in me, so I shall as well.
That is all
ChampsElysée
P.S Oh and it sucks when your best friend's ex best friend seemingly becomes best friends again with your best friend, making you feel really sad and lonely.
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